Now, I hate to sound all creepy and whatnot, but a contract killer who's a platinum member at Hertz sounds like a sucky ass contract killer to me. So, I knew the MCs were freak shows, but the entire supporting cast too? There's infidelity, awkward family dynamics, an illegitimate son, an apparently requisite kidnapping and the contract killer. I secretly still believe he's a wizard or is the PC term warlock? I tell ya, for a dude who's supposedly not that attractive everyone is gagging to get in his pants. How does he always know what to say to everyone that either engenders everlasting devotion, inexplicable trust, life altering insightfulness or fuck me eyes. All the people of zooville, but still he's their golden child. I actually began to wonder if this was some elaborate AU somewhere in the middle because Trev seems to have some sort of spellbinding power over all the people.
Then again, Trev's bestie is a contract killer who randomly breaks into his apartment to watch him sleep because it "soothes" him, so I'm guessing he's desensitized to the cuckoo. Did he think that dance was going to un-gay him? And his nutjob boyfriend was all, 'hey, babe. Landry holds a switchblade while jacking off over his sleeping lover in a fugue state about to carve his initials on him so everyone would "know" that he's his? Uh… Because he was dancing with a girl at a party earlier. I'm not saying they should be committed but it wouldn't be the worst call anyone ever made. I knew the MCs were whackadoodles going in but I had NO idea the level of whackadoodledom. Mine is like that highway accident that everyone slows down to look at while you're cursing them for holding you up but when you get to it you look too. "I'll kill you and then myself, that's a promise." "You will never get away from me, you should resign yourself to that now." So, actual rating… uh, what is ∞ x 4 x 2? Meh, math was never my strong suit, so I'll go with 3 hearts and call it a day. Every one! If I were to rate my enjoyment… uh, I'm kind of scared of Calmes Nation coming after me with pitchforks and maces, but, yeah, I enjoyed it. Every one of these characters ain't right. Days of Our Lives didn't have this level of batshityness and that show was choc-a-block with nutjobs. If I were to rate the soap operaesqueness, it would be somewhere in the 4 heart range. Valentine's Day is mere child's play comparatively.
If I were to rate this on the level of cray cray, there aren't enough hearts. How do I rate this thing? Is there like a Calmesian scale? Author of the Month and… official MC cherry popping.
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